Check your phone at the door, kid!

Is it just me, or are other people's kids taking over the world?

I think they are. They're starting with my house. And they're very slick about it, too. The current nefarious plot involves sleep deprivation. It's better than anything S.P.E.C.T.R.E. used against James Bond.

I cannot tell you how many times in the past month I've been awakened by some friend of Daredevil's, calling at the most ridiculous times ostensibly to talk with him, although he's been asleep for hours. Surely they must realize that some people are actually not up at three o'clock in the morning!

Or perhaps not. Maybe I'm the one who's out of touch. In any event, I really did have the following exchange (or something very close to it; lack of sleep plays tricks with my memory) with Daredevil's girlfriend recently:

Her: Is Daredevil there?

Me: He'd better be. And he'd also better be asleep. Like I was.

Her: Oh, did I wake you?

Me: Of course not, don't be silly. I was getting up to answer the phone, anyway. Do you have any idea what time it is?

Her: No.

Me: It's three-thirty in the morning. It's only three hours since the last time you called and did wake me up. I just haven't been able to get back to sleep, knowing you'd call again. I have to say, you're very accommodating.

Her: Sorry.

Me: I have a rule. No calls to my house after nine p.m., and none before eleven o'clock in the morning on the weekends.

Her: Okay, I get it, I get it!

Me: [not quite sure what I said here, but it ended with a satisfying slam of the receiver into its cradle; I hope I gave the rude little brat a headache.]

My kids don't have cell phones, and all their friends do, which is how they're getting away with disrupting my sleep unbeknownst to their parents. Until now. Because now I, too, have a sinister plan. I'm going to forward all my after-nine-p.m. calls to their land lines. Beware, midnight caller! I've got your parents on speed-dial, and the minute I get rid of your obnoxious butt, I'm going to be just as obnoxious as you. I figure if they get mad, they can take it out on you, since I can't. Just remember, you started it.

Maybe if I make enough grown-ups stagger to the phone at some ungodly hour, they'll stop falling asleep on the parenting job, and we adults can go back to ruling the world.