Disco While You Work

I have the coolest sisters in the world.

For my most recent birthday, which was last month in case any of you would like to send belated wishes, they sent me my very own iPod Nano. (I suspect that a good friend was in on this too.)

I've never owned an MP3 player before, much less an iPod! Much less an iPod Nano! Like I said, the coolest sisters in the world.

I have the coolest daughter in the world, too.

Naturally, I had to get Drama Princess to show me how to use my new toy. She has an iPod too. She calls hers "iVolde" which is short for "iVoldemort." She's a big Harry Potter fan. I decided mine needed a name too, so it has been christened "iBond."

His Nibs decided we needed to load every single song on every single CD in the house onto my iBond. Drama Princess sailed right into instructions on how to do this. I still get a headache just thinking about it. I don't trust myself to do it alone. I'm trying to recall just when I stopped being the All-Knowing Mom and regressed to needing my younger child's help with complicated things like technology.

Anyway, Drama Princess has been a good little scout with loading iBond. So far she hasn't laughed even once at my music collection. Even I think it's funny that I have a CD titled Pure Funk, which includes such timeless classics as "Kung Fu Fighting." Remember that one? How about "Car Wash"? That's on the Pure Funk CD too. I have practically everything Styx ever did. I have a couple of disco compilations, along with tons of Journey, Heart, Billy Joel, Elton John. It might come as a shock to find out that I grew up in the 70s.

The 70s do not, however, represent the entirety of my musical interest. The 80s are well represented too. Mostly by Madonna. One little guilty pleasure among many. Still, Drama Princess did not giggle as she loaded this stuff onto iBond. She maintained her composure quite well as she added my 20-CD collection of Mozart and my five-disc assorted classical selections that includes three of Vivaldi's Four Seasons. I confess that we've both laughed at the fact that winter is not a part of this collection.

And just the other day when she walked me through the use of my very first iTunes card--helping me set up my account, showing me how to search for titles and artists, reassuring me that I was doing right by clicking on "BUY SONG"--she managed not to guffaw when I boldly exercised my right to purchase "The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald." I may be the only person outside of Detroit who thinks that's a pretty cool song, but I don't care.

Hymns by the Mormon Tabernacle Choir? Fine by her. Movie soundtracks? Okay. Recordings of the Liberty Community Chorus with her own dear mother singing alto? Just another click of the mouse.

But you just wait till the day I unearth my precious collection of original James Bond themes. She may not be laughing now, but I know that when she connects the songs to the movies, all that pent-up mirth is going to explode. She already thinks I'm weird about Bond; this will just be icing on the cake.

But iBond is ready for anything. Just like its namesake.

I Wanna Meet Obama's Speech Writer

I don't know about where you are right now, but where I am, everyone is talking Inauguration.

No great surprise there. This is an historic moment, a huge moment. At the risk of sounding like I'm trivializing it, a lot is riding on this day.

I missed Obama being sworn in as President. I am at work, after all. Duty calls, you know, and besides, I have no doubt that, like the heroic rescue of the passengers and crew of the plane that crash-landed in the Hudson River last week, it will be rebroadcast countless times. But I did catch his inaugural address.

All I can say is that I came away speechless.

Words are failing me even now. (I know, I know. Some writer you are!) His address was beyond eloquent. The man exudes confidence and self-assurance, and that is manifested in the way he talks. He spoke of history. He spoke of peace. He spoke of conquering fear, of taking responsibility, of working together. He spoke of unity and tolerance. He touched on all the things we as Americans are right now losing sleep over, and his words somehow seemed to have a calming effect on the listener. A stupefying number of people stood in the bitter cold, listening, cheering, believing. I wonder if anyone could have found anything in his address to complain about. I didn't, not that I was looking. Obama's words offer hope to a nation that has seen little reason for hope in recent days. And he delivered those words in a manner that suggested that he wasn't just saying them.

I realize he's been president for all of about two hours now, and he's got a staggering job ahead of him. I don't envy him. But if even a little bit of the confidence and reassurance he displayed today can be translated into effective change in our economy, in health care, in foreign relations, in restoration of honor and dignity to the Office of President of the United States, in showing the world that the United States is a truly great nation, then in my book he will have more than earned the title.

Nothing will change overnight. I hope people realize that, but I'm afraid there are a lot of frustrated, impatient folks out there who might be expecting instant miracles. Not gonna happen. But I have faith in God and in America, and I'm hopeful that Obama will be the strong, decisive, and ethical leader we have longed for these past [you decide how many] years. I hope his words are more than a captivating speech. I pray God's blessing on this nation and its leaders. God bless America!

We'll Miss You, George

The legal community lost a fine member yesterday. That's lamentable, of course. But more importantly, the world at large lost a kind man.

His name was George, and he was an attorney at the firm where I work. He had worked here for more than 40 years. Such longevity is rare these days. His death was sudden and unexpected, and that makes it a little harder to cope with than it might have been otherwise.

I didn't work directly with George, so my assertion that he was a fine lawyer is based more on comments from his peers and colleagues, and the reputation of this firm, than anything else. But I can tell you first hand that he was a nice guy.

I've been here just over a dozen years. I'm a lowly secretary, a member of what is known as "support staff." I don't earn six figures. I don't have a string of letters following my name. I don't have an office, and my own peers out there in Legal World probably have never heard of me. That's okay. To George, and to other attorneys in this firm, I'm maybe just a little bit more than a mere secretary. I'm a person, with a name and a face and feelings and everything.

In the few years that I worked under the same roof with George, I met him coming and going in the hallways pretty much every day. I do not recall a single time when he didn't smile at me and say, "Hi, Melody." Not one time did he fail to address me by name, even though the most work I ever did for him may have been to make a copy of something. Is this a big deal, really? You bet it is.

In a world where corporate bigwigs loot their own companies, steal their employees' retirement savings, lay people off and burden the remaining employees with overwhelming amounts of work as a result just to save a buck (or rather, to put a little more into their own pockets), do little or nothing to foster employee loyalty, focus on the bottom line and nothing else, and don't even bother to learn underlings' names, it's gratifying to work with someone like George. Despite his seniority and his position as an owner of this firm, I doubt that it ever occurred to him not to know the name of the guy who delivered his mail. He may never have actually said this, but I'd be willing to bet that George understood the importance of good support staff--and the importance of making us feel like we are vital to the firm. Most of the attorneys here seem to have that same understanding. I think that's why people stay here, and I think it goes a long way toward explaining how this firm got such a good reputation. I realize that not all of the staff here feel the same way. Probably they didn't see George as often as I did.

Before long, we will be merged with another firm, and we'll be a lot bigger than we are right now. I can only hope that some things don't change.

Yesterday was a pretty rough day for this firm. It was quiet; people talked in hushed voices; some wept openly (I know I did). I passed by George's office several times on my way to wherever I was going to do whatever I was doing. It was odd to see his door standing open and not see him sitting at his desk, odder still to realize that I will never see him there again. His loss will be felt for a long, long time to come.

Goodbye, George. I hope when I'm gone, people will miss me half as much as we already miss you.

Who says it's not my job?

The last few days have been pretty lazy days. I did manage to get all my Christmas decorations boxed up, and His Nibs and Daredevil put it all in the attic. And it's not even Groundhog Day yet, much less St. Patrick's Day! Woo-hoo!

I tinkered around with some piano scales the other day too. Spent about fifteen minutes on it, which isn't stellar, but it's been the better part of a year since I even touched the piano except to dust it, and even that doesn't get done often, although it does happen more frequently than once a year. I'm not that lazy! Oh, and I mopped my kitchen floor too.

I love a feeling of accomplishment, don't you?

I think Monster Cat loves it too, although she's a lot less self-congratulatory about it. I got to watch her patiently wait out that mouse yesterday morning. It was kind of funny to see. The mouse dashed out, saw her, dashed back, repeated this a time or two, and before I knew it, there was Monster with her trophy. Naturally, she didn't kill it right off. Like most mousers, Monster plays with her food. Totally freaked Daredevil out. I guess he'd never seen a cat do this before. I told him the story of the cat I had as a kid, which cat once put his paw down on a mouse's tail and anchored it there, while the poor mouse struggled to escape. Didn't go well for that mouse. I'm not sure Daredevil believed me, but I swear I didn't make that up.

Monster's mouse got a reprieve when she released it, but this morning guess what I got to scoop up and discard? I should have made Daredevil do it.

Ever think about the division of labor in your house and who gets to do what icky jobs? His Nibs is in charge of spider eradication. If a creature has more than four legs, I avoid it like the plague. (Ditto for those with no legs at all, but so far I haven't seen any of them in my house, thank God.) I could get rid of spiders if I absolutely had to, but it would require six cans of Raid and the subsequent evacuation of any living thing in the house with four legs or fewer. Spider Duty is clearly listed on His Nibs' portion of the contract. In ink.

I, on the other hand, get Grossness Duty. When the dog came in after rolling in something foul, I was the one who had to give him a shower (yes, you read that right--no bathtub at the moment, which is probably another blog someday). When the cat favors us with a hairball (or a dead mouse), I'm the one who gets to clean up the mess. Toilet need scrubbing? I'm there. Kid cuts his arm half off breaking a window? Not only did I get to mop up, but I also got to stand around and watch the ER doctor stitch him up. (That might have fallen into the category of a Bad Day.) Kitchen floor sticky with spills where someone opened a bottle of cream soda too quickly and it sprayed all over creation? Hand me the mop; I'll take care of it. I will give His Nibs points for sharing diaper chores back in the day.

I don't really mind doing yucky jobs. Someone has to, and if I want the house to be habitable, it might as well be me. I take care of backyard land mines, unspeakably disgusting results of a kid getting hit with stomach issues in the middle of the night, litter boxes, and mysterious spots on the walls of my kitchen. (I don't even want to know what those are. I just want them gone.) I wash dishes (by hand), clothes that have not seen the washing machine in three weeks but have been worn so often they've developed a personality all their own, shoes that have accumulated mud and who knows what else, spots on the carpet where someone got careless with food or drink (usually something far, far in color from that of the carpet) or where the aforementioned shoe accumulations have been tracked, and black prints over the doorways where Daredevil felt the need to grab onto the top of the frame and do chin-ups. It never ends.

But I've decided to start sharing the wealth. Why should His Nibs and I have all the fun? It's cold here, and I'm sure Monster Cat will provide some sort of Mouse Disposal Initiation for Daredevil before too long. Now all I have to do is think of something equally dastardly for Drama Princess. She's been complaining of boredom lately.

Out with the old, in with the old

Like most people, I was thinking about New Year's resolutions the other day. And like most people, I'm fully aware that I'll probably make a big ol' list of stuff I'll want to accomplish over the next twelve months, which list will promptly disappear, providing me with the perfect excuse not to accomplish anything on it, because how can you possibly cross stuff off your list if you don't have any idea where it is? My name is not Earl.

So I've decided that this year, I'm going to apply a little reverse psychology to myself. Since I know that any New Year's resolutions I make will be completely forgotten within a week and I won't keep a single one of them, I hereby make the following resolutions:

1. I resolve to leave my Christmas tree up and holiday decorations out until St. Patrick's Day.

2. This year, I will drink at least six cans of Dr Pepper every day at work. Water is for fish.

3. I will drive by the gym on my way to work and on my way home from work each day, smiling and waving and saying to His Nibs, "You know, we really ought to work out now and again." He'll agree, and we will go on adding girth and chins to ever-expanding collections.

4. Every night, I will pick up my pen and notebook with the good intentions of writing at least 500 words, only to get bored/tired/discouraged/distracted by screaming kids, at which point I'll heave a great sigh, toss the pen and notebook aside, invoke Dorothy Parker by murmuring "What fresh hell is this?" and vow to write 1,000 words the next night.

5. I vow to make sure I leave a sinkful of dishes every night so I can do them the next morning. Mornings are so dull at my house, what with putting the dog out, feeding the fur people, getting His Nibs and the kids up for work and school, fixing breakfast, packing lunches, taking the garbage out, showering, dressing, looking for lost school books, signing permission slips that were due a week ago, making coffee, loading the washing machine, putting the dog out again, chasing the cat back in, refereeing teenage disputes, unearthing a hidden cell phone or iPod, rushing to the gas station because I forgot to go the night before (I promise never to fill up at night, too), putting dinner in the crock pot, hustling the kids out the door so they don't miss the bus, hustling His Nibs out the door so we're not late to work, hustling back into the house to unplug the coffee machine, etc. etc. etc. Oh, and washing the previous night's dishes.

6. While I'm at it, I won't lay out my clothes for the following day, either. Too much trouble, and I need one more thing to do in the mornings.

7. I think I'll skip doing scales on the piano this year, and while I'm at it, when choir practice starts up again, I don't plan to memorize any of my music. Makes performances that much more challenging.

8. Shopping being such a chore for me, I believe that I'll just dispense with getting the kids winter coats when they're on sale. They're teenagers, you know, so they probably wouldn't wear them, anyway.

9. I'm going to pay all my bills late and incur a whole boatload of late fees. I just might make sure to rack up a bunch of overdraft fees as well. Why fight it? It's only money. Heck, I may just pay my taxes late too, just to keep things interesting. It's the American way!

10. All the good movies being on late at night, I resolve to get no more than four or five hours' sleep every night this year. Thanks, TCM!

11. Finally, I resolve to start my Christmas shopping on December 23. Again.

If I fail to keep these resolutions, I will have indeed accomplished something. Happy New Year!

If the coat fits, it must be the wrong coat

His Nibs' nephew got married over the weekend. Fortunately, the wedding was only a three-hour drive away. Unfortunately, Daredevil and Drama Princess needed new duds for this occasion, which meant a shopping expedition. With both of them.

Somewhere in my youth or childhood, I must have done something terrible.

If I've said it once, I've said it a zillion times: I hate shopping. Drama Princess hates it too, and Daredevil would just as soon gouge his eyes out using the claws of a live wolverine as to be seen in a clothing department with his mother--to say nothing of his sister. There must be some bad karma out there for us, because we all three found ourselves trapped in Jacques Penney's the night before the wedding, seeking out a suit for him and a dress for her.

I turned Daredevil loose and admonished him to find something suitable to wear. Like what? Whaddya mean, like what? "Think, 'If my friends see me in this I'll have to change my name, shave my head, and join the French Foreign Legion,'" I suggested. That helped. Off he went, while Drama Princess and I scoured every display of female-type dress wear in the vain hope of finding a dress she could wear. Or rather, would wear. Shopping for her is hard. It's not that she's picky. Mostly it's that she's small. And to hear her tell it, that sucks. Yeah, give it a few years, sister; you'll be eating those words and wishing that's all you'd eaten.

But I digress. Remember the Great Swimsuit Quest? This was the same contest only with a different prize at the end. Same sorts of complaints, too. Women's department too big. Girls' department too young. Junior department too iffy. By the time we found her a dress, at the fourth store we entered, I was sure we'd missed the nuptials and the bride and groom had already left for Cancun. Turns out the wedding was still the next day. All was not lost!

Meanwhile, Daredevil had successfully browsed the men's department (at Store No. 1) and selected his outfit. Dark blue pants and a dark blue jacket. On sale. At the risk of embarrassing him and feeding a stupid stereotype, he's turning out to be a way better shopper than the women he lives with. How sad is that?

Everything traveled pretty well the next day too. I couldn't have been happier. Until he put on the suit and it was painfully obvious that the coat was too big and didn't exactly match the pants, which were also just a tad on the large side. Yikes. I can only hope he bulks up some and fills them out eventually. And finds pants to match the coat. At least they were both blue, she said in her defense.

You see what a miserable failure I am at shopping. Who buys clothes without seeing them on the potential wearer? This is why I've never been voted Mother of the Year. I took some consolation when His Nibs tried to show Daredevil how to tie his necktie. Guess who's never been selected to be Father of the Year? Maybe waiting until the day before a Big Event to try to get our kid started thinking about being presentable wasn't our best move.

As it turns out, however, no one really saw him. Or her, either. All eyes were on the bride, who was breathtakingly lovely, and the groom, who was dashingly handsome. My kids could have shown up in their pajamas and no one would have noticed. I stressed out over nothing--well, very little--again.

I just hope that when I'm the Mother of the Bride (or Groom), whatever they wear to the wedding will fit just right. But I'm in no hurry to start shopping.